Bedtime during Lunar New Year

Choose which nights can run late, before the holiday starts

Sit down with whoever shares the bedtime job and pick which nights are allowed to run late and which ones you will protect. Many families choose one or two: the reunion dinner, New Year's Eve, the night the cousins arrive. Everything else keeps a normal bedtime, even in a new house. Write it down if that helps. It is much easier to leave a party at nine when you decided it in daylight than when you are standing in a doorway with a tired child on your hip.

Then tell your child the plan in the morning, not at bedtime. Keep it to three sentences: 'Tonight we eat at Grandma's. You will go to bed in the little room after one story. I will lie with you for two songs.' Children cope better with a change they have heard twice. Pack a small bag the night before with the things your child uses to settle: the blanket, the animal, the toothbrush, a change of clothes. If your child is under three, assume the plan will be carried mostly by you, so agree with your partner or your relatives that one adult is on child duty while the other handles the plates and the goodbyes.

When the noise from the celebrations is the problem

Firecrackers, karaoke, a television left on for the grandparents, cousins running down the hallway. Before you choose a sleep spot, walk the house and listen. The quietest room is often not the one you planned: a back bedroom, a study, a corner of a living room away from the street. A folded blanket along the bottom of the door and a fan running in the room can take the edge off sudden noise. For many children a steady, familiar sound is easier to sleep through than silence broken by bangs.

Tell your child when the noise is coming if you can. 'In a little while there will be firecrackers. It is a loud, happy noise and then it stops.' Warning a child is not the same as frightening them. Sitting close, or counting the bangs together, gives a small child something to do other than worry. If you have child sized earmuffs, they help for the loudest half hour.

The harder moment is often later, when the child is half asleep and the noise starts again. Plan for one adult to stay nearby for the first twenty minutes after lights out, sitting in the dark rather than lying down somewhere else. A quiet hand on the back and a repeated sentence, 'I am here, it is just firecrackers,' does more than a long explanation. If the noise is coming from inside your own home, ask early, before the evening gets going, whether the loudest part can happen away from the sleeping room.

Keep the bones of the routine, not every step of it

A routine in a strange house does not need all its parts, but it does need its bones. Think of three: something with water, something with words, something with touch. A wash of hands and face at the kitchen sink, one story, one song with a hand on the back. That is a complete bedtime, and it travels well. At home you might have five steps; on a holiday night three is plenty.

Sample timings for a nine o'clock landing: 8:40 wash, 8:50 story, 9:00 song and lights low, 9:10 lie down. Keep the order even when the clock slips. Order is what tells a child the day is ending; the exact time matters less than the sequence. Use the same goodnight words in the same order as at home, even if you are saying them in a different room.

Skip what you cannot do and do not apologize for it. If there is no bath, say 'no bath tonight, we will wash at the sink' and move on. What unsettles children is a parent who seems unsure about the plan. If the routine collapses entirely and your child is still running at ten, stop adding steps and go back to the first one: water, then story, then bed. The shorter version still counts.

New year stories a small child can actually follow

New year stories work best when they are small. Rather than explaining the whole holiday, pick one thing per night and let it be a story. The animals of the zodiac racing across a river. The red envelope a child is allowed to open after dinner. The lion that comes to the door to bring good luck. A lantern that has to be carried carefully. Five minutes, one idea, and room for your child to interrupt.

For very young children, be careful with the monster story. Some versions are thrilling and some are frightening, and you know your child. If yours is easily scared, tell it as a story about a noisy neighbor who does not like loud parties, or save it for next year.

Two questions turn a story into a conversation: 'What would you put in your red envelope?' and 'Which animal would you be?' Do not aim for a lesson. A child who has heard a short story about the new year knows more about the holiday than a child who has simply been told about it. A calm bedtime story also helps because it asks nothing of your child except listening. If you want something ready to read in a dim room, StoryChoose has free bedtime stories, including a Lunar New Year collection of short ones, and you can ask for a personalised story with your child's name in it.

Sleeping in a strange bed, or a room full of cousins

Bring the bed's smell with you: your own pillowcase, the blanket, the animal your child sleeps with. If you are staying several nights, set up the sleep space before dark, with your child helping, so the room is familiar before it is dark. Then walk it together: where the toilet is, where the water is, where you will be sleeping. A child who knows where you are is less likely to come looking.

Say where you will be and check back when you said you would. 'I am in the kitchen. I will come back after I finish my tea.' Then come back, even if the child is nearly asleep, even if you would rather not risk waking them. The check is what shows your child the promise is real.

Sharing a room with cousins is the best part of the holiday and the worst part of bedtime. Separate talking time from sleep time rather than banning talk: ten minutes of chatter with the light on, then a signal, a song or a clap, and lights out. Expect the first night to be late and funny and not very restful. If your family cosleeps at home, plan to cosleep here too, because fighting it on holiday usually costs more than it saves. If grandparents keep different rules, agree with them in advance on one or two points only, and let the rest go.

The first ordinary night back home

The first night home is rarely the reset night. Expect two or three odd evenings, with a child who is wired at nine and weepy at seven. Do not try to move bedtime back in one jump. If your child has been going down at ten, aim for a quarter to ten, then half past nine the next night, until you are back where you started. Fifteen minutes a night is enough for most families.

Keep the mornings ordinary and outdoors if you can: a walk, a trip to the shop, the walk to school. Keep the evening routine exactly as it was before the holiday, same order, same words. Resist the urge to talk about the holiday at bedtime. If your child wants to retell the lion dance at ten at night, give it two minutes earlier in the day instead: 'Tell me one thing you liked today' at dinner.

If sleep is still hard two weeks after the decorations come down, or your child seems worried, unwell or very out of sorts, it is worth talking to your child's doctor.

When it goes sideways, and it will

Some nights will not be saved. Your child will cry at the party, refuse the strange bed, or fall asleep in a coat at eight and wake at ten ready to play. On those nights, lower the bar. The goal is not a perfect bedtime. The goal is a child who ends the night feeling safe and a parent who is still standing.

Words that help: 'You do not have to sleep. You only have to lie down.' 'I can see this is a lot. We will do three things: water, story, bed.' 'We are leaving in five minutes, and I will carry you to the car.' If your child is overwhelmed in a crowded room, take them out for ten quiet minutes, no screens, then come back. One adult doing that is worth more than two adults negotiating.

And give yourself permission to leave early. There is no prize for staying to the end. Many parents find that one warm goodbye at nine o'clock beats three hours of a melting child. Tomorrow is another night, and the routine will still be there, waiting for you.